Totem Read online

  Now, don’t get me wrong. I still have faith. I just believe the bible is flawed because it was written by humans and we are all flawed, but that’s not the point I am getting at… While reading I stumbled upon one of the smaller books of the bible. It is so small that it’s very easy to overlook it. The book was Song of Songs. Through these endless pages of rules, regulations and stories to show examples of how to live your life is this one book of poetry. It’s not just any poetry, but love poems that men have written to their partners and they are beautiful. For one brief moment, the bible gives way and shows love between a man and woman in the purest since. For one brief moment, you can see that women have power over men. Now the objects they use to compare women to back then are not held with such great value today, but the one image that does apply is the lily. There is even a poem where the man compares his beloved as the lily among the thorns. To me, that is beautiful. It is awesome a book written so long ago can show that love is one of the most raw emotions we can share and to me, that is represented by the lily. That is why I like the lily.”

  I finish my sentence bracing myself for Ty’s reaction. I look up into his face. His eyes search mine and once again I do not know what thoughts lay behind that handsome mask. For one brief second I regret telling him, but then the only way to truly find someone who is right for you is to let them in. Let them see who you are on the inside. I stand resolute in my decision and wait for his reaction.

  “Why would I think that is silly?” Ty finally speaks.

  I shrug my shoulders. A smile creeps over my face as relief washes over my body. I had spoken enough. I just look at him and shrug my shoulders one more time.

  “It’s actually a beautiful reason.”

  Questions about Ty’s faith pop into my head. There is so much I want to know about him but faith seems like a topic too personal at this stage. We haven’t even defined what we are yet. Technically, we barely know each other. I look back at the flower that started my monologue.

  “Shall we go to dinner?”

  “Absolutely.” I reply ready to leave my room.

  I grab my purse and button down cardigan. Ty grabs my hand and begins walking towards the door. I am beyond excited to begin our first date. Before he opens the door, Ty stops dead in his tracks. I stare at his back inquisitively wondering what would make my handsome date stop. He turns around and looks at me with a crooked smile across his face and speaks.

  “I can’t wait until after the date.”

  I did not have time to wonder what that meant as Ty lunges forward scooping me up into his arms. His mouth urgently finds mine as he gives me passionate kiss after passionate kiss. Unchaste thoughts rise up inside of me once again as my hands travel up his chest past his neck and settle in his long black hair. I kiss him back my body wanting to do more. My mind pushes the thought down but the urge grows stronger. Just as I contemplate skipping dinner for other activities, Ty pulls away. With a sly, crooked smile on his face, he lowers me back down to the ground. My head is left reeling.

  “I couldn’t help myself. You look so damn beautiful in that dress.”

  I blush yet again for the hundredth time around Ty. He turns and reaches for the door knob. Before I can suggest staying in and not leaving the privacy of this room, Ty opens the door letting the rest of the world in. He grabs my hand pulling me out of the room. Our brief sensual moment is gone as we begin our date.

  Chapter 9: Who am I dating?

  It is true what they say. Time flies when you are happy. I got my first round of tests back. It seemed that my studying paid off as they were all A’s and B’s. It was a very good start to my college career. I was incredibly happy with the balance I had struck between school, working out, and going out. On top of that, I am in a new relationship with Ty.

  He is what I always hoped to find in a guy one day. Perhaps it only seems that way because our relationship is so new. Maybe I am only seeing what I want to see. In that same fashion, I like to think otherwise. I like to think that he is the guy of my dreams. Not only is he handsome, but he is kind and considerate. He is also a nice dresser. He seems to be financially sound as well. I do not know what he does, but it is a comfort to know that he does not struggle. In every way I look at it, he is the man of my dreams. It is a statement that I never wish to be proven false. However, the possibility stays ever present in the back of my mind. For whoever really gets it right on the first try? Life is a series of decisions we make and everyone makes mistakes. The few that can mold together the first time and love through their life decisions are lucky. Can I be that lucky?

  Either way, he is always with me in thoughts or in person. He makes my heart skip a beat every time I see him. I catch myself smiling down at my phone every time he texts me. When I am not with him, I find my thoughts drifting towards him yearning to have him near. The memory of his smell ignites something inside and I become helplessly lost in a sweet day dream filled with Ty.

  I am falling for him and gladly make time each weekend to get lost in the world we create together as we go on date after date. I would spend every day with him if I could, but our schedules give us only small fragments of time together. This makes each moment we spend that much sweeter. Every minute becomes a lasting memory that must sustain me for the all too much time we are apart. Our relationship is growing. The walks from class begin to end with more passionate kisses than the last. Our lips lock and his hands wrap around me pulling me tighter holding me longer than the time before. It is building. My body wants Ty in ways that are so natural.

  However, natural it is, it still seems like forbidden territory. I am not used to a person having this effect on me, but it has become something I crave. My body yearns to touch his and, only when the need is met do I find relief. The only sensation I can compare it to would be when endorphins kick in on my long distance runs. He is a natural high causing good feelings to rise and my body to push forward. Everything ignites from one simple act of kissing, but each tender set of kisses eventually must end and my high crashes leaving me wanting more. As always, Ty mutters three hopeful words that leave my mind reeling at the possibilities to come.

  “Until next time…”

  I love it when Ty says these words. What I love more is the pace of our relationship. A month had passed since the memorable first kiss that ignited a fire in the rain. The most we have done is kiss. Ty’s hands will explore my body but always stay within the acceptable comfort zones. If it is any other normal guy, I would have probably been more motivated to go further. I have made up my mind before going to college that I wanted to experiment while here. I wanted to find out what I wanted sexually before settling down. It sounds strange coming from a virgin but no guy in high school has caught my eye. Nor did I feel emotionally mature enough to handle the feelings that seem so deeply tied to one simple act. Now I am ready. Now I feel I can accept the positives and the negatives that come with letting someone in on something so private and so personal. I feel like I know what I want sexually and am mature enough to let a man know what I feel comfortable doing without being swayed. It is empowering.

  The only thing stopping me now is Ty. Any other man would have been easier, but Ty is not an average guy. His body is gorgeous and every little piece of his soul that he lets me see only makes me want to get lost in him more. He makes me want to slow down and take time making each moment count because he is a man worth falling in love with. So I take my time. You can rush sex but you can’t rush love.

  I relive each little kiss in my mind when we aren’t together letting my thoughts cause time alone to speed up. Now, I am reliving the first kiss again as I sit in a cubicle in the library studying. I need the daydream to break up the monotony of biology notes. I look up from the wooden cubicle as I arch my back stretching my arms up towards the tiled ceiling of the old building. My gaze looks out the window and into the black of night. The only glow outside comes from the lamp posts that speckle the sidewalks of the quad. I do a quick head count of the pe
ople studying around me. To my surprise, only a few people are left scattered in this big open room. I look down at my cell phone for the time. The blue light emits a time of 9:30 pm. I slump down in my seat as the realization that I have been sitting here since 5:00 rolls through my head. My test is tomorrow and I am determined to try and get higher than my 82 I got on the last test.

  I have been tirelessly studying the material for a few days now, but what gets me are those mundane questions my teacher pulls out of one measly sentence located in one specific paragraph out of the hundred pages of textbook we are supposed to know for the test. It seems to be the majority of the questions I missed last time and it was frustrating. I always get the big picture but the nitpicky details are what seems to be what is separating me from an A on the tests. With a sigh I decide to read over my notes one more time before calling it quits for the night. I was just about to begin when something over top of the cubicle catches my eye. I look up.

  It is a man. I watch him as he walks across the room. There is something peculiar about him but I can’t put my finger on it. Discretely as I can, I watch his motion as he paces over to the shelves and begins looking through books. He traces each book slowly traipsing down the aisle. I scrutinize him more. To the casual on looker, he is a normal person. His clothes are normal. His haircut is average. He could use a tan, but besides that he is a regular guy. Then it hits me as I watch him walk across the room with a book he just grabbed from the shelf. It is the way he moves that looks strange.

  He walks very carefully. Each step is elaborate as if he has to concentrate on just walking normal. I continue watching as he takes a seat in a chair. The simple act of him sitting seems so precise and calculated. I observe as his chest moves up and down rhythmically with each breath he takes. Even that seems odd. It is almost like he has to concentrate on human tasks. He thumbs through the book. Something is definitely off. Before I can analyze him further, his head shoots up and he looks in my direction.

  I quickly break my gaze and look off into a different direction. I shift my eyes looking out of the corner of them. He is still watching. Is he looking at me? I draw my attention back to my notes rushing through them only stopping on parts I feel uncomfortable about. Quickly done, I close my binder and place it my backpack. I look over in the direction of the man as I stand up. A slight disappointment rises in me as I notice he is no longer there. He has vanished. I throw my back pack over my shoulder as I begin to walk through the empty second floor of the library heading for the stairs. As I open the double doors I am startled by the stranger I was watching earlier. His gaze locks on to me. I give him a meek smile as I meander down the steps.

  “What’s your name?”

  I stop in the middle of the steps. A startled smile crosses my face as confusion sets in. I look up at this unusual stranger. He attempts a friendly smile, but the upturn corners of his mouth are over exaggerated in his stone white face making him look menacing. If that isn’t enough, I am close enough where I can truly see his eyes. They are black. Not just the normal parts of the eyes that should be black but the entire eyeball was void of color. My heart begins to beat with nervous energy. Every fiber of my body tells me not to talk to him. Just keep walking.

  “You’re the one that belongs to the Indian.” States the stranger.

  “I have to go. It’s getting late.” I say.

  My words come out slowly as I edge my way down the steps. I want to be away from him. There is something that scares me. I keep a cautious eye on the smiling stranger as I walk down the steps. Before I am completely past him, I feel myself physically being stopped by an icy cold hand grabbing at my elbow. I could have sworn I was watching him closely. His movements are too quick. The strength in that one hand is alarming as he stops me dead in my tracks pulling me completely back by one single point of my body. My heart begins beating at an unsteady rhythm. I turn my head to look back at the man whose unwelcome grip holds me to my spot.

  “You don’t know what he is do you?” Asks the stranger

  I cannot speak. I am too alarmed by his unnatural hold. I look into his face. His smile falls into a sneer. With as much courage and disdain as I can muster, I address the creepy man.

  “I do not know what you are talking about. Now please remove your hand from my arm.”

  I glare at him. He is unhappy with my answer. I see it in his face. Before he can speak, the double doors at the bottom of the stairs open. A lady with glasses and an ID around her neck walks through them.

  “The library will be closing in ten minutes.” The woman warns with a smile.

  Thankful for her interruption, I step forward. Just as I thought would happen, the strangers hold releases. I smile at the woman as I walk out the door she is holding open. She looks up at the man then her eyes flicker to me. She smiles back and waves good bye before continuing up the stairs no doubt to warn other late night studiers about the library closing. I move quickly with a new purpose walking through the scanners and out the front of the library. I step on the mat giving the automatic doors their queue to open. Immediately hot air hits me warming my body. The contrast between the over air conditioned building mixes with the heat thawing my skin. I begin walking in the direction of the dorms at a fast pace. I feel the phone vibrating in my pocket. I pull it out. Michelle is calling. I click the accept button and hold it up to my ear.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey roomie!” says Michelle. “It’s lonely in the room without you. Where you at?”

  “I just got done studying at the library and am walking back to the dorms.”

  “Cool. Do you want a phone buddy as you walk?”

  “Yes, more than you will ever know right now.” I reply with relief.

  The campus always seems deserted when the sun sets. The emptiness of the big campus is spooky. To combat this, Michelle and I will call each other as we walk. That way we know where each other is for safety reasons and also so we don’t have to walk alone.

  “So there was some creepy guy that seemed like he knew me on the stairwell as I was leaving.”

  “Did he really know you?”

  “I don’t think so.” I reply. “He called Ty an Indian.”

  “Well he is.” Michelle jokes.

  “Yeah, but I don’t know if that’s the proper name to call him.”

  Truth be told, Ty and I haven’t really talked much about his ethnicity. He did tell me he was part German but mostly a mix of various Native American tribes. That is about as far as we got. I did not ask his preference to be called an Indian or a Native American. For some reason Indian sounds funny to me.

  “Whatever.” Michelle comments. “Where are you right now?”

  “I cut through the science building and am on my way out.”

  “Cool.”

  I step out of the building with Michelle chattering away in my ear. The chattering is calming as I walk across the grass in the part where the lights are dimmer than the rest. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement. A large object is being hurdled and it is coming toward me. My heart races as the fight or flight sense comes crashing through me. With a speed faster than humanely possible the object whips past me. I turn around and follow the object. It stops right behind me. There in the dim lights of night, I can just make out the face of the stranger from the library. My heart beats out of my chest. I turn to run towards the dorms, but the stranger appears instantly in front of me obstructing my way with his menacing smile across his face.

  “Hello.” He states with a hiss.

  “Who are you?”

  My voice is nothing more than a whisper. Fear wells up inside me. The stranger takes a step closer allowing my eyes to focus on him. I look into his eyes. Crimson red has replaced the pitch black I saw earlier. My mind flashes back to the alley in the French Quarter. I feel the same fear inside of me now. His smile grows as he realizes the effect he has on me and for the first time I see small fangs appear.

  “What are you?”

  His smile
grows larger as if he is holding back a joke. If he is, it is clearly at my expense. I hear Michelle yelling my name through the phone. She must have noticed I stopped talking. Slowly I bring the phone up to my ear. I need to tell her where I am. I need her to call someone. I begin to talk.

  “Miche-”

  It all happened so quickly that I didn’t see it. The stranger disappears. Instantaneously I feel a yank as my phone leaves my hand. Then the stranger reappears back in the same spot holding my phone. The screen is facing me glowing as he holds it up in one hand. He shakes his head at me as if reprimanding a child before crushing it in one single squeeze of strength that no real human possesses. My phone crumbles sprinkling to the ground like glitter.

  “What are you?

  My voice is still a whisper as I ask the question. He smiles once again. Unnaturally he cocks his head to the side as he analyzes me. My body fills with adrenaline. My muscles tighten. He lets out a laugh.

  “You really don’t know do you?” He hisses.

  “You’re… a vampire.” I say.

  Disbelief is in my voice but I know I am right. All the signs were there the night I was attacked. Now all the signs stare at me as I freeze in place. Here in front of me is a vampire. Slowly he claps his hands together applauding my correct answer.

  “Very good.” The words slither from his mouth. “I can only imagine you came to that conclusion on your own which leads me to believe you don’t know what your Indian is. Tsk, tsk, tsk. He should have told you. You should be dead. My maker should have killed you. No matter, I can finish the job. It is the least I can do to avenge his death.”

  He brushes his hands together removing whatever particles of my phone that are left from his skin. He looks at me. His face fills with satisfaction as he prematurely basks in his own victory over me or perhaps it’s a victory over Ty. I brace for the impact. My fists are balled up beside me.